Tuesday, May 1, 2018

Fifteen Minute Fashion

It takes me about 15 minutes to get myself ready in the morning before work. Let me break that down, 15 minutes for makeup, hair and outfit. (I shower most evenings.) As a working mom, I don't get that much time with my kids in the day and my favorite part of the day is morning - I love morning snuggles when they have bed head, rosy cheeks and are toasty warm to the touch so I've worked hard to actually get time with them in the mornings. Our morning routine is snuggles, cartoons, breakfast and then getting ready quickly. My part is about 15 minutes of that time. I get complimented on my work outfits frequently, so I thought I'd share how I do this because I'm always looking for ideas on how to make life smoother and better!

Before I dig in, here's some things to know about me: I'm a financial advisor and daughter of generational frugality, so I do not like to spend a lot of money, but I do love fashion and I want to look good for my professional career. I work better when I feel pulled together and polished.

1. Only buy what you absolutely love. Experiment until you know what you love and what works for you and then stick with the same brands and colors. For makeup I know that I love Mary Kay eyeshadow and I stick with neutral shades - I also love the price. I started awhile back with my clothes - I ONLY buy what I absolutely love. If the cut is off or the color doesn't look quite there - even if its only one dollar - I don't buy it! This makes putting on clothes pretty darn easy in the morning.

2. Purge frequently. I am scrupulous about ridding my wardrobe of the clothes that don't fit or I don't love anymore. If I haven't worn it that season, its getting donated. This keeps my wardrobe only full of the things I love and wear - this again makes picking out an outfit really simple. I purge by taking the clothes I want to get rid of by putting them in a bag in my closet and if I haven't missed them over the course of a month or when the bag is full, I donate.

3. Keep with the same color scheme. I stick to neutral colors and then add in reds, oranges and greens because those are the colors that make me feel good. When I have purchased colors that I don't generally buy, I have nothing to pair it with, so, guess what? It collected dust.

4. Keep a wish/need list. I try and keep my wardrobe slim - you saw the size of my closet - but I've also found that if I have too much of similar things (i.e. three pairs of black pants), one item always wins out and then I don't wear the other item and it collects dust. Now, when a white shirt starts to get dingy, or my black pants are getting washed out, I write it down on my wish/need list (I always have a padfolio in my purse with the last page for wish lists) and then when I see it on sale and have the money in my budget, etc its top of mind. This also keeps me from buying silly purchases on the rare occasion that I'm out shopping for fun because I have some "needs" in mind.

5. Buy online. I started shopping online about a year and a half ago and found it has saved me a lot of money, earned me lots of rewards and kept my wardrobe up to date. Following my other advice, I stick to what I know and has worked for me. I personally have had great success with Express for work clothes. I have a rewards account (free) app on my phone. When I have a wish/need list item I search using all the filters to find exactly what I want and pretty much only shop in the clearance area. I put it in my cart and when there's an extra 40-50% off, I purchase - if its not available then, I know something else will come up later. I try everything on when it arrives with multiple other things in my wardrobe and it I don't love it or I can't wear it with at least two other items, it gets shipped back. I've earned lots of free money by sticking with the same brand and their items go together better because the materials are similar, etc. Again, the result is that its incredibly easy for me to pull together an outfit in 2 minutes based on weather and my mood for the day!

Except for workout clothes - this is my entire winter and summer wardrobe.
6. Pinterest. I use pinterest for inspiration. Type in an item "pink blazer outfit" and see your wardrobe expand with ideas!

I wish I would have known this back in my early career days when I bought based on what was on sale even if it wasn't what I needed.


Sunday, March 11, 2018

On Following Your Dreams

I recently finished Girl, Wash Your Face by Rachel Hollis, (I definitely recommend it) and throughout the book she talks about following your dreams, making your dreams a reality, and imagining your dreams with such vividness that you can't but assume they will be achieved. So naturally, I started asking myself "What are my dreams?" and, well, I was kind of stuck. Maybe it was the fact that for the last few months, life had been a little bit more of a valley than a peak, and therefore I was feeling unsure about myself and the life that, until recently, I'd been pretty darn proud of building. 

Getting a little panicky, I started barraging myself...have I lost my ability to dream? Have the difficulties and realities of life gotten to me so much that I can't even dream big dreams anymore? Am I so caught up in my day to day that I can't even think outside the box of my small world? Of course, my impatience does not help this kind of self talk tornado, so for the last few weeks I've been asking myself and God to reveal my "dreams" as if something huge would slap me in the face. 

When I was younger, I had intense dreams to travel abroad and be a huge international business mogul. This later turned into aspirations of working in academia and being an amazing professor who travels the world for research. While I did achieve my dream of traveling during college and post graduate, I got married afterwards and had kids, and well, everything changed. The reality of putting others needs before mine happened. It wasn't just about me anymore. All my dreams changed, and not in a bad way, in a really good way but also a completely different way. The huge goals of being an international business mogul don't hold quite the same luster they used to and I'm more prone to daydream about making my home beautiful and getting a lake home to make family memories at, but somehow these kinds of dream don't seem like they are enough, not big enough - too boring.

Then, this past week, while listening to a Lenten reflection I felt a bit of an epiphany when I heard (I'm paraphrasing), "I believe that God's dreams for me are far bigger than those I have for myself." I have tried to trust that God will lead me by the right path (certainly not my spiritual strong point), even though I know nothing about it. Ultimately that's all I can do. I have recently come to discover and find great peace in the fact that doing all things, especially the little things, with great love, detail, and gratitude drastically changes what could be seen as simple and mundane tasks in life into extraordinary moments. This doesn't mean we shouldn't dream or push hard for goals we want, but I think that sometimes just waiting, watching and discerning the paths that are being opened to us, exactly where we are planted, can lead to far greater paths than we could have ever imagined for ourselves.

Looking back, I can see throughout my life the hand of God guiding me. I somewhat tried to follow the paths that were opened to me and that made the most "sense." During the times where I chose paths that were clearly not right for me, life was rough, and not make you stronger kind of rough, but make you fall apart and pull you away from what is good in life. When I chose what felt right and true (not necessarily easy or simple), I became a better version of myself and opportunities continued to reveal themselves. Many of these paths have been long and challenging and I didn't always feel certain in the thick of it that I was truly doing the right thing. I realize how vague this may all sound and it kind of is but my favorite prayer reveals the depth of this life long struggle we all have, and it fills me up when I'm feeling uncertain about life's paths:

"I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end.
nor do I really know myself,
and the fact that I think I am following your will
does not mean that I am actually doing so.
But I believe that the desire to please you
does in fact please you.
And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.
I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.
And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road,
though I may know nothing about it.
Therefore will I trust you always though
I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death.
I will not fear, for you are ever with me,
and you will never leave me to face my perils alone." - Thomas Merton

Trusting that God will reveal his dreams for us when the time is right and then working each day with love is all we can do.

Saturday, February 24, 2018

SERIAL QUITTER

I always had an emotional attachment to food growing up. Food was a coping mechanism. When I was in high school, I gained about 20 pounds after quitting volleyball my Sophomore year to try out for cheerleading, Junior year I did swimming and Senior year I didn't join anything. After that one decision and gaining weight, I never stuck to much I committed to. I continued to gain weight in to my first year in college at Ball State. 

I know what my highest number on the scale was but more than what the scale said (about thirty pounds more than I am today), it was the hold that food had on me and the lack of confidence I felt in myself for never sticking to anything. I had tried losing weight in high school with weight watchers or no carbs or I'd go a day without any sugar and then binge the next. Basically, I had lost all respect for myself because I never kept the promises I made to myself. My self talk was destroying me. I was a serial quitter and it spread into about every aspect of my life.



After three years of gaining weight and countless evenings crying on the phone to my mom, I decided to make a change. I was reading French Women Don't Get Fat and a lot of what the author talked about resonated with me. I didn't want to be on a diet, I didn't want to only eat vegetables, I didn't want to be the person who wasn't any fun to go out with because "sorry, I'm on a diet," but I knew I had a problem. The truth is, I was addicted to food. Eating food was how I coped. Stressed about an exam - eat food. Feeling lonely - eat way too much alone in my dorm room while I watched TV. In these moments, I barely tasted what I was eating and I hated myself so much during and afterward that I'd go into a spiral of negative self talk inside my head. I finally realized that Spring that I had to fix my relationship with food. If I continued to abuse food, I'd never be completely free from it's grasp, I might be able to manipulate it to lose weight, but it would still have power over me.

I set out with a basic and mostly fool proof plan to lose weight and address the underlying issue. I didn't have much confidence when I started, but each time I stuck to the small commitment I'd made, I believed more in myself and not only did I lose weight but I wasn't constantly crying and hating myself. 

Here's what I committed to: 
1. I committed to being aware when I ate. I would only eat half of the portion size I usually did (any food was game), and if I was still hungry, I could eat more. I committed to tasting the food I was eating. I ate slowly, I always sat down, with a real plate and I specifically savored each bite. I started to really enjoy what I ate, but I also monitored how full I felt throughout a meal. If I wanted tiramisu, I drove to go get my favorite and I ate it slowing with intention and with a real fork and plate.

2. I committed to journaling my feelings either before or after eating. If I overate, I would journal why I had overeaten and then forgive myself and recommit to journaling before eating next time, so I didn't eat my emotions. This was what I had never been able to do before, recommit after a mistake. Each time I forgave myself and started again, I built trust in myself.

3. Finally, I committed to running three times a week. I set up what days and times I would run based on my class schedule. I had absolutely no excuse not to go. I literally started running for 5 minutes and then I walked the rest of the 30 minutes. A week later, I ran 6 minutes and walked 24 minutes, and so it went, until I was able to run a full 30 minutes, very slowly. 

4. I committed to praying EVERY day. I prayed a short scripted prayer every day asking God to help me be healthy and I put this struggle in His hands. 

Over the course of the next year, I paid attention to my body and my clothes, but getting on the scale was just confirmation of what I already knew. Slowly, very slowly, weight came off. I think I lost about 15 pounds in a year and then another 10 in the next year. Since then, I have lost about another 5 or so depending on if I'm training for a half marathon or pregnant or postpartum. It was never really about the weight, the weight was the symptom of my addiction and as that lifted, I didn't worry as much about the number on the scale.

Not only did I lose the weight, I finally trusted myself. I finally discovered I could stick to something and I have used these tactics now for every other goal I've set in my life. Today, I can tell you with complete honesty that I eat whatever I want, but I only eat when I'm hungry and I always stop when I'm full. More importantly - FOOD DOESN'T CONTROL ME - and I'm not a serial quitter anymore.